Wow... it's really getting down to a little less talk and a lot more action. I bought some tuscan place mats and napkins for the kitchen and a beautiful framed print of some pottery... and a canvas that is going to perfect in my room. I can hardly believe it!
So, I've started some packing... minor things. I keep thinking... what else can I do because it seems so far away, but it's really creeping up on me quick. I've got 2 full weeks before the move. HOLY COW!!! Oh, and get this... I have to go to Atlanta on business the 7th - 9th... GREAT!!! So, bottom line is it is time to get a move on.
In other news... KK is still struggling with this allergy/sinus stuff and ended up with yet ANOTHER ear infection. Dr H is talking allergist or tubes in the ears if things don't turn around quick. The ear infection was so bad in one ear that her ear drum was bulging. Poor baby is having to get the round of 3 antibiotics shots every other day since the last 3 rounds of oral antibiotics didn't work. We are definitely ready for some reliefs, so I'm doing what it takes. But it hurts my heart to have to see her go through that.
Right now it seems that I am in a season in my life of change. Everything is changing and nothing is staying the same. Not only is my life changing, I am changing. I think that is a positive thing. New opportunities are opening up... new people are coming into my life... it's really exciting. Unfortunately, with the good is also the bad.
You never know who you can trust. I'm a very trusting and loyal person. I'm understanding and I'm empathic. While those are good traits it can open me up to some very harsh realities and heart ache if I open my life up to the wrong person. You always hope that isn't the case, but sometimes you never know until its too late. I am so grateful that in each and every instance I have had the Lord has taught me something and I have grown from it. In his infinite wisdom and sovereignty he is weaving such a beautiful tapestry from my life. On the underneath there are tangles and knots that form a network and grounding for the beautiful picture on the surface. So, instead of looking at each and every tangle individually as he is "weaving" the story of my life I choose to look at the bigger picture... the beautiful results of what he is doing.
It seems so odd at such a time in my life that is full of hustle and bustle that He would tell me wait in a particular area of my life... but He has. And althought I don't know what is ahead I am trusting Him and I am waiting. The proverbial sitting still is killing me when everything else seems to be zooming ahead in my life. I don't wanna wait!!! It's scary... thinking things might get behind... but I wait, because ultimately HE knows what is best... see I can't see what the Lord is orchestrating. I can't see what He is protecting me from or preparing me for, or how is he preparing someone else for whatever it is that is to come. Trust, faith, hope, honor... all things I am having to work at. Change is good!!!
God bless!
LF
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Jesus take the wheel
I barely remember writing that last blog - it just seems like so long ago! I'm continually praising the Lord for all He has done. In the midst of the storm I've had to keep my eyes on Him. The giants I spoke about before were no the only giants I've had to face along the way. But, in His perfect timing it will all come together!
Just to update all you curious folks out there... tomorrow I will be meeting with my attorney to re-draft a contract with my offer... negotiating is not my strong suite... so I don't like this much. However, I feel that the Lord has given me a clear answer and that both parties are going to be very happy with this offer and the contract. Once I have that in line the appraisal and inspection will ensue... yay! Tentative closing date? Nov 17th. If I had it my way I wuld do it earlier... but I don't really want to pay interest for many more days that is absolutely necessary.
OK... so no one EVER told me what a pain in the buhunkuss it is to buy a house! Ya coulda warned me!!! But in the end it will all be well worth it!
In other news... as it was brought to my attention this evening by a certain special someone... I will now have my very own refrigerator in my very own house with a very special honey-do list on it for a certain special someone. :-) I told him it was all his fault because he volunteered himself. Now I just got to think of all the potential projects he can work on for me. Wow! Is that weird or what?! Who ever thought Miss Independent Me would have a honey-do list when I've always been of the mindset "I don't need your help!" Who is this man that has come in and upset my life! (I mean that in the sweetest most endearing way Jason).
Yeah... so, things are changing pretty fast. I'm purging... so right now I'm packing things up that I don't want or have room for for a yard sale. I'm making a list of things I need and things I have... and of course the dreaded 'project list' (a list of all the things I want to do to the house at some point). If you are reading this sweetheart - rest assured that some of those things will likely be added to the list of things you have already volunteered for. So, keep an eye on your honey-do list on the fridge... and bring your comfy tool belt, lol.
Work is crazy busy! We have yet to get another recruiter hired - and at this point it is really killing us. I have jury duty the week of 10/23... which I was recalled for from 6 months ago - and here we are again having to ask for me to be excused AGAIN! So... do I really need to be taking time off to close on the house and move? Probably not... but you know what, the Lord will work it all out - I can't sweat the small stuff.
I hope you all are blessed! I need to head to bed.
LF
Just to update all you curious folks out there... tomorrow I will be meeting with my attorney to re-draft a contract with my offer... negotiating is not my strong suite... so I don't like this much. However, I feel that the Lord has given me a clear answer and that both parties are going to be very happy with this offer and the contract. Once I have that in line the appraisal and inspection will ensue... yay! Tentative closing date? Nov 17th. If I had it my way I wuld do it earlier... but I don't really want to pay interest for many more days that is absolutely necessary.
OK... so no one EVER told me what a pain in the buhunkuss it is to buy a house! Ya coulda warned me!!! But in the end it will all be well worth it!
In other news... as it was brought to my attention this evening by a certain special someone... I will now have my very own refrigerator in my very own house with a very special honey-do list on it for a certain special someone. :-) I told him it was all his fault because he volunteered himself. Now I just got to think of all the potential projects he can work on for me. Wow! Is that weird or what?! Who ever thought Miss Independent Me would have a honey-do list when I've always been of the mindset "I don't need your help!" Who is this man that has come in and upset my life! (I mean that in the sweetest most endearing way Jason).
Yeah... so, things are changing pretty fast. I'm purging... so right now I'm packing things up that I don't want or have room for for a yard sale. I'm making a list of things I need and things I have... and of course the dreaded 'project list' (a list of all the things I want to do to the house at some point). If you are reading this sweetheart - rest assured that some of those things will likely be added to the list of things you have already volunteered for. So, keep an eye on your honey-do list on the fridge... and bring your comfy tool belt, lol.
Work is crazy busy! We have yet to get another recruiter hired - and at this point it is really killing us. I have jury duty the week of 10/23... which I was recalled for from 6 months ago - and here we are again having to ask for me to be excused AGAIN! So... do I really need to be taking time off to close on the house and move? Probably not... but you know what, the Lord will work it all out - I can't sweat the small stuff.
I hope you all are blessed! I need to head to bed.
LF
Monday, October 2, 2006
Stretching faith
OK, so it's been a while now and it's time for another blog. It is truly amazing the work God has done before my eyes in my own life and in the lives of others. We just went through ReFRESH (our annual 'revival' conference) at church and I am definitely refreshed! Through difficulties and busy-ness I made the time to go to the meetings and attend the lunches daily and the Lord truly blessed me for it! I am so grateful to be a part of a wonderful church full of loving people who are ready to serve our Lord and eachother.
Over the last month the Lord has really been stretching my faith. The area of finances has definitely been something he has been dealing with me with faith. It's not enough to give my little 10% each paycheck... it's not enough to give offerings above and beyond my tithe when I feel called to do so. It's not even enough to say that I know the Lord will provide. I must step out on faith and truly trust the Lord to provide for my every need. As the Lord revealed to me... worrying about my finances is a sure sign that I am not trusting him. Yeowch! That's a tough one!
I have had to focus and refocus on this one... I sometimes wonder how I am going to do things... but then I look at all he has given me. The resources I have are so far beyond what many others have. I am so blessed! I have discovered that he can do so much more with my not only my money but also my time... than I could ever dream of. So he says... "You say you believe I will provide for your needs... but are you trusting me, L??? Are you trusting me? Trust me! Trust me!" I am trusting in Him... I'm stepping out on His Word, as Peter did when he walked the water. And I know that even if I stumble, just as Peter did, my Lord and Savior will catch me. He will not let me sink!
I got a pop quiz on faith this week too. A recent development in my life is that I am buying a house. I had planned to wait until after the first of the year to begin looking again. For the last several months I have been working diligently to pay down debt to prepare for such an investment. Well, as you know, the Lord's timing is different from our own and he sure let me know that this week. He plunked an opportunity right on my lap in the form of a darling little 2 bed room home on the avenues. My mom decided to go out looking at a few of the homes a friend of ours told her about on thier street and 1 street up. While she was out she happened to run into this house - she called the number on the FSBY sign and talked to the owner and found out all about the house. She called me in tears... and shew asn't even sure why. When I looked at the home I fell in love. I spent the next rwo days wondering if it was the right thing... and praying. I took my bible out one evening and decided to read Deuteronomy rather than doing my normal devotions... when I opened up to chapter one I had no idea what I would read and what it would mean for me but I prayed to the Lord to show me His will and speak to me through His Word. He did alright. For those of you who know me and my situation you might understand this better... but here's the passages that really spoke to me.
Galations 1
6 The LORD our God said to us at Horeb, "You have stayed long enough at this mountain. 7 Break camp and advance into the hill country of the Amorites; go to all the neighboring peoples in the Arabah, in the mountains, in the western foothills, in the Negev and along the coast, to the land of the Canaanites and to Lebanon, as far as the great river, the Euphrates. 8 See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land that the LORD swore he would give to your fathers—to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—and to their descendants after them." 9 At that time I said to you, "You are too heavy a burden for me to carry alone. 10 The LORD your God has increased your numbers so that today you are as many as the stars in the sky. 11 May the LORD, the God of your fathers, increase you a thousand times and bless you as he has promised!
30 The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, 31 and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." 32 In spite of this, you did not trust in the LORD your God, 33 who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go.
Woah! OK, so the Lord has promised me this home – that is basically what I got from that scripture. And he will go before me and fight… I just have to have… there's that word again… yep, FAITH! But of course giants came along as they did with Isreal that scared me… I felt like there was no way I could 'enter the land of Canaan' because of them. But I had to face the giants… oh wait, where have I heard that??? Oh "Facing the Giants"! Wow… he's really prepared me for this! I tell you, the Lord will never ask you to do anything he hasn't equipped you to do! Well, after beginning to stumble with doubt sure enough He was there to catch me… he gently reminded me that He can handle it if I will have faith and trust Him to instead of myself. Ladies and Gentleman… don't doubt in the dark what you have been shown in the light!
So, the short of it is that I am making an offer and putting down the earnest money this week… and I'm trusting God for the rest. He gave me a clear answer to my prayers and I can't let my flesh or Satan deceive me into thinking otherwise. Very soon KKand I will have our very own home! I am incredibly excited and we have already begun the planning. Pray for the decision to be made from here. Pray that I will be strong and be a good steward of this blessing… and pray for my family as we go through this transition. This is going to be very tough on Mimi and Papa! :-)
God bless!
LF
Over the last month the Lord has really been stretching my faith. The area of finances has definitely been something he has been dealing with me with faith. It's not enough to give my little 10% each paycheck... it's not enough to give offerings above and beyond my tithe when I feel called to do so. It's not even enough to say that I know the Lord will provide. I must step out on faith and truly trust the Lord to provide for my every need. As the Lord revealed to me... worrying about my finances is a sure sign that I am not trusting him. Yeowch! That's a tough one!
I have had to focus and refocus on this one... I sometimes wonder how I am going to do things... but then I look at all he has given me. The resources I have are so far beyond what many others have. I am so blessed! I have discovered that he can do so much more with my not only my money but also my time... than I could ever dream of. So he says... "You say you believe I will provide for your needs... but are you trusting me, L??? Are you trusting me? Trust me! Trust me!" I am trusting in Him... I'm stepping out on His Word, as Peter did when he walked the water. And I know that even if I stumble, just as Peter did, my Lord and Savior will catch me. He will not let me sink!
I got a pop quiz on faith this week too. A recent development in my life is that I am buying a house. I had planned to wait until after the first of the year to begin looking again. For the last several months I have been working diligently to pay down debt to prepare for such an investment. Well, as you know, the Lord's timing is different from our own and he sure let me know that this week. He plunked an opportunity right on my lap in the form of a darling little 2 bed room home on the avenues. My mom decided to go out looking at a few of the homes a friend of ours told her about on thier street and 1 street up. While she was out she happened to run into this house - she called the number on the FSBY sign and talked to the owner and found out all about the house. She called me in tears... and shew asn't even sure why. When I looked at the home I fell in love. I spent the next rwo days wondering if it was the right thing... and praying. I took my bible out one evening and decided to read Deuteronomy rather than doing my normal devotions... when I opened up to chapter one I had no idea what I would read and what it would mean for me but I prayed to the Lord to show me His will and speak to me through His Word. He did alright. For those of you who know me and my situation you might understand this better... but here's the passages that really spoke to me.
Galations 1
6 The LORD our God said to us at Horeb, "You have stayed long enough at this mountain. 7 Break camp and advance into the hill country of the Amorites; go to all the neighboring peoples in the Arabah, in the mountains, in the western foothills, in the Negev and along the coast, to the land of the Canaanites and to Lebanon, as far as the great river, the Euphrates. 8 See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land that the LORD swore he would give to your fathers—to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—and to their descendants after them." 9 At that time I said to you, "You are too heavy a burden for me to carry alone. 10 The LORD your God has increased your numbers so that today you are as many as the stars in the sky. 11 May the LORD, the God of your fathers, increase you a thousand times and bless you as he has promised!
30 The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, 31 and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." 32 In spite of this, you did not trust in the LORD your God, 33 who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go.
Woah! OK, so the Lord has promised me this home – that is basically what I got from that scripture. And he will go before me and fight… I just have to have… there's that word again… yep, FAITH! But of course giants came along as they did with Isreal that scared me… I felt like there was no way I could 'enter the land of Canaan' because of them. But I had to face the giants… oh wait, where have I heard that??? Oh "Facing the Giants"! Wow… he's really prepared me for this! I tell you, the Lord will never ask you to do anything he hasn't equipped you to do! Well, after beginning to stumble with doubt sure enough He was there to catch me… he gently reminded me that He can handle it if I will have faith and trust Him to instead of myself. Ladies and Gentleman… don't doubt in the dark what you have been shown in the light!
So, the short of it is that I am making an offer and putting down the earnest money this week… and I'm trusting God for the rest. He gave me a clear answer to my prayers and I can't let my flesh or Satan deceive me into thinking otherwise. Very soon KKand I will have our very own home! I am incredibly excited and we have already begun the planning. Pray for the decision to be made from here. Pray that I will be strong and be a good steward of this blessing… and pray for my family as we go through this transition. This is going to be very tough on Mimi and Papa! :-)
God bless!
LF
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
More than most
I would have to say that in my life I have been through a lot of things that have given me the opportunity to learn hard but valuable lessons - more than most. By the grace of God I have come through all of those things not only physically alive but spiritually and emotionally. Rather than holding bitterness in my heart (well... for very long periods of time anyway) I have forgiven and moved on. I don't say these things to glorify myself. had it not been for the grace of God I believe I would be a very mean spirited, bitter, miserable person, but through his mercy and love he has given me the ability to walk in forgiveness daily.
Quite a bit of the things I have been through were inflicted by others... some were self inflicted, or at least partly. For those who know me, I mean really know me, you know my story and where I'm coming from on this. There are times in our lives when people wrong us, and at other times we are living in the consequences of our own sin... sometimes they are one in the same. I'm reminded of this on a daily basis.
So, in my "more than most" I have been given the opportunity to minister to many people who have been through similar circumstances. In return I am often blessed myself. Let it be said once again that what Satan means for harm God uses for good! In the midst of the storm it's hard to see the big picture, but not does he use those circumstance and those hurts to draw you closer to him and to shape adn mold you, but he also gives you area of ministry - an opportunity to share your faith and the love of Christ. Isn't that great? We must go thru the valleys to get to the mountain tops.
I really thought I was doing great in this area for a long time... I did hold it as a matter of pride. And sure as the sun rises I was blinded by my pride and I decieved myself into thinking that I deserved to hold onto some anger towards someone who hurt me very deeply. I'm being real here. I didn't want to let go of my anger and bitterness as if to say what this person did was ok. I went around telling myself that it was ok because I always did the right thing and spoke kindly despite the feelings in my heart... what a load of garbage! I carried around this anger that boiled up inside of me any time I thought about the person. I found myself again being prideful that I did the right thing even though this person didn't deserve it. It wasn't about doing the right thing because I had forgiven the person and let it go... it was like a tick mark to me of one more "good deed" stacked up against the all the things this person did to hurt me. That's a dangerous game.
Well, of course, as he often does, the Lord began speaking to me in themes... this one was on forgiveness. Oh how rotten! But Lord, can't I just hold on to this a little longer?! I have so much more to be angry about!!! Nope... no dice, he said. I had to take the high road. But on that road my burden has been much lighter. I gave all of the hurt over to him... and he is the defender and avenger of his people, so I can trust in him to bring everything to justice. Forgiveness is not something that happens over time, although time can sometimes dull the pain and make it easier to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice. It's a process you have to walk through... sometimes tiptoing.
I just thank my Heavenly Father that he chooses to forgive continually without condition because my Saviour, Jesus Christ, not only did more than most, loved more than most, and went thru more than most... he did more than any, loved more than any, and went thru more than any.
Quite a bit of the things I have been through were inflicted by others... some were self inflicted, or at least partly. For those who know me, I mean really know me, you know my story and where I'm coming from on this. There are times in our lives when people wrong us, and at other times we are living in the consequences of our own sin... sometimes they are one in the same. I'm reminded of this on a daily basis.
So, in my "more than most" I have been given the opportunity to minister to many people who have been through similar circumstances. In return I am often blessed myself. Let it be said once again that what Satan means for harm God uses for good! In the midst of the storm it's hard to see the big picture, but not does he use those circumstance and those hurts to draw you closer to him and to shape adn mold you, but he also gives you area of ministry - an opportunity to share your faith and the love of Christ. Isn't that great? We must go thru the valleys to get to the mountain tops.
I really thought I was doing great in this area for a long time... I did hold it as a matter of pride. And sure as the sun rises I was blinded by my pride and I decieved myself into thinking that I deserved to hold onto some anger towards someone who hurt me very deeply. I'm being real here. I didn't want to let go of my anger and bitterness as if to say what this person did was ok. I went around telling myself that it was ok because I always did the right thing and spoke kindly despite the feelings in my heart... what a load of garbage! I carried around this anger that boiled up inside of me any time I thought about the person. I found myself again being prideful that I did the right thing even though this person didn't deserve it. It wasn't about doing the right thing because I had forgiven the person and let it go... it was like a tick mark to me of one more "good deed" stacked up against the all the things this person did to hurt me. That's a dangerous game.
Well, of course, as he often does, the Lord began speaking to me in themes... this one was on forgiveness. Oh how rotten! But Lord, can't I just hold on to this a little longer?! I have so much more to be angry about!!! Nope... no dice, he said. I had to take the high road. But on that road my burden has been much lighter. I gave all of the hurt over to him... and he is the defender and avenger of his people, so I can trust in him to bring everything to justice. Forgiveness is not something that happens over time, although time can sometimes dull the pain and make it easier to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice. It's a process you have to walk through... sometimes tiptoing.
I just thank my Heavenly Father that he chooses to forgive continually without condition because my Saviour, Jesus Christ, not only did more than most, loved more than most, and went thru more than most... he did more than any, loved more than any, and went thru more than any.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
The truth is revealed
I certainly wish that by "the truth is revealed" I was saying I had an epiphany, but as my luck would have it that is not the case. Again, I would just like to reiterate my last blog on authenticity. Why is it that men (and I am aware I am generalizing but I'm speaking of most and not all) feel the need to be big fat liars. Guaranteed that the very guy who claims out-right to be a one woman man and doesn't want to play games is just the opposite.
My personal opinion, these types need affirmation from women. For whatever reason they don't have it within themselves to feel good about themselves, so they get thier jollies from screwing with women's heads and jerking them around and then waiting to see if they will come running back for more, or even better, chase after them.
Well, let me tell you... don't expect to see me running. I just thank the Lord for letting me be in the right place at the right time to see the real deal... I just had to go to my cousins bachelorette outing... and the kicker is we didn't even end up where we had planned to go after dinner- the skating rink, lol. Apparently, adults aren't allowed after 11pm, so by the time we got there it wasn't worth the money for the short amount of time we had left.
My first reaction was to feel like an idiot... played for a FOOL!!! Shoulda seen it coming. But you know what, I'm not the idiot or the fool, I'm the gracious woman who made the decision (and will continue to) to trust someone unless they give me a reason not to. Well, I have my reason... and I'm moving on!
My personal opinion, these types need affirmation from women. For whatever reason they don't have it within themselves to feel good about themselves, so they get thier jollies from screwing with women's heads and jerking them around and then waiting to see if they will come running back for more, or even better, chase after them.
Well, let me tell you... don't expect to see me running. I just thank the Lord for letting me be in the right place at the right time to see the real deal... I just had to go to my cousins bachelorette outing... and the kicker is we didn't even end up where we had planned to go after dinner- the skating rink, lol. Apparently, adults aren't allowed after 11pm, so by the time we got there it wasn't worth the money for the short amount of time we had left.
My first reaction was to feel like an idiot... played for a FOOL!!! Shoulda seen it coming. But you know what, I'm not the idiot or the fool, I'm the gracious woman who made the decision (and will continue to) to trust someone unless they give me a reason not to. Well, I have my reason... and I'm moving on!
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Authenticity
One thing I am sure of at this point in my life is that authenticity, above all things, is important. Being authentic about who you are, what you believe, what you want, etc etc. Most of all, being authentic with God. After all, if you're not he knows it, and it only serves to further the divide in your relationship with him... or any relationship for that matter.
On that note, I have strove to be authentic in presenting who I am to anyone. I don't know that for the most part I have gotten that in return. I'm struggling with the fact that people tend to be so fake. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. And remember that when your mama told you "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all." that she meant just what she said - don't say anything... at all - not "make up something to make the person feel good." Can I get an amen?!
Authenticity means that no matter what a person may think about me in the end it is more important for me to be who I am than who they want me to be. It means that my list of friends is on the short end, but that list of friends are authentic friends, one's who will be there for me no matter what. No drama, no alterior motives, no manipulation... my get real, no guts no glory, wholehearted, lifetime friends. I think I rather like it that way.
Authenticity also means that I don't wear the masks that many others do. I don't play the games. I don't attempt to be the person I think someone will like or manipulate others with my actions. I do and say what I think necessary to convey my thoughts and feelings, no more, no less. This can put me at a disadvantage more so than I think I had realized because people say they don't want to play games but they still go around doing things to get reactions and waiting on the persons next move.
It can be shocking when you run into someone who is authentic in a world full of fakes, because I'm not hiding my imperfections and flaws. But this is my thought on the deal... get it out there, be real, and if someone doesn't like you for who you really are then you're not wasting your time. I'm not about to apologize for being imperfect, face it, we all are. And I certainly will not apologize for being the person that God made me. I fully believe that if you can't be authentic before the people you care about most then you have much less of a relationship with them than you think, because they don't know the real you.
It's been a difficult road to this place in my life and I'm sure there are difficulties to come. Until recently I would like to have thought that the hardest lessons were behind me, but God has certainly pointed out to me that that is not the case. But he has promised to give me grace needed to handle whatever besets me until then, and even beyond.
So, I will continue being authentic. And if someone doesn't find me endearing or attractive or want to be friends with me, that is ok. I just want authenticity in return. If that means someone walking out of my life soon after they walk in, so be it. It's like waxing vs tweezing, the tweezing only draws out the inevitable and plucks away at you, while waxing gets it over with quick. I vote for waxing!
LF
On that note, I have strove to be authentic in presenting who I am to anyone. I don't know that for the most part I have gotten that in return. I'm struggling with the fact that people tend to be so fake. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. And remember that when your mama told you "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all." that she meant just what she said - don't say anything... at all - not "make up something to make the person feel good." Can I get an amen?!
Authenticity means that no matter what a person may think about me in the end it is more important for me to be who I am than who they want me to be. It means that my list of friends is on the short end, but that list of friends are authentic friends, one's who will be there for me no matter what. No drama, no alterior motives, no manipulation... my get real, no guts no glory, wholehearted, lifetime friends. I think I rather like it that way.
Authenticity also means that I don't wear the masks that many others do. I don't play the games. I don't attempt to be the person I think someone will like or manipulate others with my actions. I do and say what I think necessary to convey my thoughts and feelings, no more, no less. This can put me at a disadvantage more so than I think I had realized because people say they don't want to play games but they still go around doing things to get reactions and waiting on the persons next move.
It can be shocking when you run into someone who is authentic in a world full of fakes, because I'm not hiding my imperfections and flaws. But this is my thought on the deal... get it out there, be real, and if someone doesn't like you for who you really are then you're not wasting your time. I'm not about to apologize for being imperfect, face it, we all are. And I certainly will not apologize for being the person that God made me. I fully believe that if you can't be authentic before the people you care about most then you have much less of a relationship with them than you think, because they don't know the real you.
It's been a difficult road to this place in my life and I'm sure there are difficulties to come. Until recently I would like to have thought that the hardest lessons were behind me, but God has certainly pointed out to me that that is not the case. But he has promised to give me grace needed to handle whatever besets me until then, and even beyond.
So, I will continue being authentic. And if someone doesn't find me endearing or attractive or want to be friends with me, that is ok. I just want authenticity in return. If that means someone walking out of my life soon after they walk in, so be it. It's like waxing vs tweezing, the tweezing only draws out the inevitable and plucks away at you, while waxing gets it over with quick. I vote for waxing!
LF
Wednesday, August 2, 2006
Another month, another blog
Ok, so I was all about doing my regular blogs at first... and it's been almost a month and nothing. Give me credit though, I think I keep it up more so than most.
Anyway... so on to what is going on in my life...
Lately I've felt very moved at just the thought of what God is doing in my life. I can't imagine where I'd be right now if he hadn't gotten my attention and drawn me back to him. But my Father never gave up on me, his grace has been sufficient for me to make through alot of hurdles lately.
It's been a little odd for me because it seems he's been working very quietly. Things have been pretty calm, and I guess I had gotten so used to clinging to him in the storms that I've almost felt distant from him. I do know that I don't pray as much or stay in His Word as much as I should, and as much as I would if I were in the midst of trials. Will I ever learn? But sure as salvation I know he's there and he reminds me every now and then. I think... he gave his Son to die on the cross for my sins, and I have a hard time taking an hour out of my day to spend some time with him reading his word and talking with my God? How shameful!
I find myself being convicted not only when I say or do things I shouldn't, but when I think things I shouldn't or have a bad attitude. I see more and more things that I need to work on... or rather let the Lord work through me (or out of me, as it may seem, lol). So, I know he's there... and I know he's working on me. I think for so long I was spiritually stagnant and I didn't form good habits that I am now having to put alot of effort towards establishing now.
No small miracle, I have lost 10 lbs! Praise the Lord he has given me the strength to stick to my diet, even while I was on vacation and for over a month now! That's awesome!
I'm also working on getting a few of my songs copyrighted right now so that I can work on scoring them and have someone put an arrangement together for me. I'll be recording them once all that is done so that I can send them to a few labels. I intend to sell the songs... at this point in my life (unlike a few years back) I have no desire to go on the road as a performer. Do I still love to sing... oh yeah. And I love to perform too, don't get me wrong... but I just want to be a Mom, and I love my job and my life, and my wonderful church family... I don't want to miss any of that. I don't think that is what the Lord has for me. At least not in this season of my life. Besides, in the secular music industry I feel it would be too much about me... I want to glorify the Lord with the gifts he's given me, not myself... somthing that took a long time for me to understand and take hold of.
Things are going pretty well with Jason at this point. We've been talking.... and talking and talking and talking (I feel like a highschool girl again). We're going out this weekend... a date, a real date! He's incredible! He's got this wonderful way of making me laugh... and he truly wants to the man God has called him to be. Everything I had been hearing lately was about trusting the Lord for his promises and waiting on him and that the Lord always fulfills his promises when we least expect it. I continued to wait expectantly, but I quit worrying... God works fast!
Jason is exactly where I am in his expectations and desires at this point in his life. For all accounts, so far as I can tell, he looks like a perfect match. Now, I've left it in the Lord's hands and he will take care of it so long as we keep our eyes on him. I'm praying that he guards our hearts and gives us wisdom and discernment concerning the development of our relationship, whether it be friendship or whether it be more. And I for one am excited to see where the Lord takes us!
So, there has been alot going on, and unlike usual I didn't talk a whole lot about my wonderful precious daughter. But speaking of her she just woke up from her nap and she isn't feeling well, so I must go tend to her.
Take care all and God bless!
LF
Anyway... so on to what is going on in my life...
Lately I've felt very moved at just the thought of what God is doing in my life. I can't imagine where I'd be right now if he hadn't gotten my attention and drawn me back to him. But my Father never gave up on me, his grace has been sufficient for me to make through alot of hurdles lately.
It's been a little odd for me because it seems he's been working very quietly. Things have been pretty calm, and I guess I had gotten so used to clinging to him in the storms that I've almost felt distant from him. I do know that I don't pray as much or stay in His Word as much as I should, and as much as I would if I were in the midst of trials. Will I ever learn? But sure as salvation I know he's there and he reminds me every now and then. I think... he gave his Son to die on the cross for my sins, and I have a hard time taking an hour out of my day to spend some time with him reading his word and talking with my God? How shameful!
I find myself being convicted not only when I say or do things I shouldn't, but when I think things I shouldn't or have a bad attitude. I see more and more things that I need to work on... or rather let the Lord work through me (or out of me, as it may seem, lol). So, I know he's there... and I know he's working on me. I think for so long I was spiritually stagnant and I didn't form good habits that I am now having to put alot of effort towards establishing now.
No small miracle, I have lost 10 lbs! Praise the Lord he has given me the strength to stick to my diet, even while I was on vacation and for over a month now! That's awesome!
I'm also working on getting a few of my songs copyrighted right now so that I can work on scoring them and have someone put an arrangement together for me. I'll be recording them once all that is done so that I can send them to a few labels. I intend to sell the songs... at this point in my life (unlike a few years back) I have no desire to go on the road as a performer. Do I still love to sing... oh yeah. And I love to perform too, don't get me wrong... but I just want to be a Mom, and I love my job and my life, and my wonderful church family... I don't want to miss any of that. I don't think that is what the Lord has for me. At least not in this season of my life. Besides, in the secular music industry I feel it would be too much about me... I want to glorify the Lord with the gifts he's given me, not myself... somthing that took a long time for me to understand and take hold of.
Things are going pretty well with Jason at this point. We've been talking.... and talking and talking and talking (I feel like a highschool girl again). We're going out this weekend... a date, a real date! He's incredible! He's got this wonderful way of making me laugh... and he truly wants to the man God has called him to be. Everything I had been hearing lately was about trusting the Lord for his promises and waiting on him and that the Lord always fulfills his promises when we least expect it. I continued to wait expectantly, but I quit worrying... God works fast!
Jason is exactly where I am in his expectations and desires at this point in his life. For all accounts, so far as I can tell, he looks like a perfect match. Now, I've left it in the Lord's hands and he will take care of it so long as we keep our eyes on him. I'm praying that he guards our hearts and gives us wisdom and discernment concerning the development of our relationship, whether it be friendship or whether it be more. And I for one am excited to see where the Lord takes us!
So, there has been alot going on, and unlike usual I didn't talk a whole lot about my wonderful precious daughter. But speaking of her she just woke up from her nap and she isn't feeling well, so I must go tend to her.
Take care all and God bless!
LF
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)