So here's the scoop

Some know and some don't so I'll just put everything here for you all to read if you so desire.
What most don't know:I've been struggling for a while now with various issues such as hair falling out, extremely dry skin, weight gain (despite a good diet and decent activity), fatigue, depression and anxiety (we had attributed this to PPD until now), difficulty concentrating and remembering things (I would forget names or words that I know, things I've done, or think I've done something I haven't), the list goes on and on.

What some know:I went to the doctor Monday and had all kinds of tests run. I got the results back yesterday and was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease. It's an autoimmune disorder that effects the thyroid. So, I am hypothyroid. This disorder causes all kinds of nasty effect which explains all of my issues.

Why I'm thankful: Frankly, it could be worse. Thankfully, this is something that is easily controlled with medication. Once we get the dosage right (which will probably take months of trial and error) I'll be set and re-test every year. It is something I will have to take for the rest of my life and the dosage may increase in later years. I'm quite relieved to know that there is a reason to all the madness. I've been going through some very difficult times lately because of it and I praise the Lord for the medical technology that helps so many people like me. I'm thankful that I will have a chance to minister to other people who are going through the same thing... to provide encouragement and advice. I'm thankful that I can share with people who may not understand... people who may judge others in my position. Believe me... I know the eye rolls you get when you are over-weight and claim that you are doing everything "right"... and the crazy looks when you can't come up with a word, a name, or recall something simple. Most of all, I'm thankful for all of my friends and family whom I know have and always will support me and love me no matter what. You all have made a difference in my life, whether you know it or not.

Mrs JD

I may be biased

I may be biased but I think my kids are just the cutest things I've ever seen. This little girl just LOVES the water - be it 2 feet deep or 10 feet deep. Definitely time to consider structured swim lessons, because the girl is fearless!!!

Check out this video: Kiddie Pool

The Mom Factor - she'll always be better than me

There is this thing I'm going to label the Mom factor. It's the pressure you feel to live up to the standards that you grew up with. Liekly standards that your Mom set up. This encompases things such as eating, grooming, and housekeeping habits, culture and time management habits, organization, discipline (of self and children). This factor is MUCH more discernable to female offspring than to males. This factor will drive you crazy, make you feel inadequate, cause you to become unreasonably defensive, and otherwise wreak havock on your self-esteem and cause you to question your abilities.

THIS FACTOR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR MOTHER!!!

My Mom is not to blame for me feeling this way. Not that there aren't times that she says or does things that do make me feel this way... but her intent is not to belittle me... in fact she goes out of her way to try not to offend me.

To my mom I say:
I'm sorry you feel like you have to walk on eggshells to keep from offending me. BUT, take it as a compliment because I think the reason I get so defensive is because I feel like I could never do things as good as you do - and I can't stand that fact. I feel all this pressure to live up to standards that just aren't do able for me.

It's wierd, to be such a smart cookie sometimes I feel so totally inadequate and hopeless. I wonder if I am really as smart, strong, hard working and good as I think I am.

My point is - I think a lot of women feel this way. With all the pressures of motherhood, being a full time employee, having a house and a husband to care for, and trying to at least get a shower every few days it's easy to get lost in all the things you can't get done instead of seeing all the things you did accomplish. So, I need to start patting myself on the back more for what I do. And I need to quit taking out my own self-doubt on my mother. Mom's of grown children get a bad wrap... some deserve it, but I'd say not most... I think it's our overachiever competitive natures that get the better of us... and our pride... and not our Mom's.

You are the best Mom... and no, I won't ever be as good as you (unless you are trying to do anything with something electronic).

Feel like sayin' sumthin

So I have no specific topic or intention in mind with this blog... I just felt like writing. Right now I'm sitting here with my beautiful 3 year old daughter... she is watching Dora and right now is sitting on the arm of the chair because she has to be this (-->x<--) close to me. Which is fine... Ry is sleeping so I've been able to get in some good one on one time with my KK.

Ya know, it's amazing having more than one kid... its like you think you could never love another child as much as you love your first, but then another comes along and it totally amazes you. There is no way I could ever choose between the two... I love them both the most. And although Mr. T isn't even blood I couldn't possibly love him any more. The human capacity to love goes far beyond what you can imagine... if you just open your heart to it.

So today we are going to Dad's... KK calls it "water day" because Papa D has a pool. I love going over there and getting in the pool with the kids. I can't wait to take KK to swim lessons... I haven't called about it yet though, and I really need to.

Well, I hear Ry so times up. Let me go get hubby and Ry and and then KK and I are going to play some games on the computer and then get ready to go to Dad's.

See ya'll later! Have a good holiday... back to work tomorrow. uuuggghhhh!

A thank you long over due

To my love, my soulmate, my partner in life...

Thank you for all you do to make my life easier. You think you are the lucky one... well, I agree... but I think I am even more lucky to be the woman that you would do anything for just to see me smile.

I love you!

Mrs. JD

Confessions of a working mother

I'm a writer at heart. I only wish I had more time to devote to this passion of mine. But, as it is, most days my mind is so overgrown with the daily to-do's and just keeping the status-quo of life that I just can't find the energy to put pen to paper much less find a quiet spot in my head to even contemplate a topic of interest. Counting poops and pees, measuring ounces of breastmilk as if they were liquid gold, endless searches for engineers to fill an impossible job description, and listening to the repetitive clamor flowing from my 3 year olds mouth is what fills my days. With a tiny 975 square ft of living space and 3 kids, we struggle with keeping the house minimally filthy. It seems the laundry piles are never ending and the trash is constantly over-flowing. It's a wonder my husband and I even have our sanity. In the quiet moments when we've "hatched a plan" to have some husband-wife time and it actually works out we try to savor every moment. Meanwhile, I have delusions of grandeur rotting in my brain while my talent for words wastes away. Such is the life of the average working mom… to much to do to tend to personal quests of self-fulfillment. But, parenting does require a degree of selflessness and sacrifice. So, I've resigned to the fact that I will probably be in a nursing home suffering from dementia before I'll ever have the time to devote to this hobby of mine, and by then it will be a moot point because I won't have any recollection of all the cute things I've always wanted to put on paper.

This is the daily dialogue in my head. There isn't possibly enough time to do all the things one would want to accomplish. I spend more time doing things I don't want to do so I've have the money to do things I have to do and then have nothing left to do the things I enjoy doing. Is that any way to live life? But, this is the reality of most American families these days. Life in the fast lane… we live longer, work harder, make more money, and enjoy life less. Pity.

Take your own advice

Have you ever given someone advice and as you are giving it you get smacked in the face with it? Sometime we need to take our own advice. Thank you Lord for helping me to see that beam in my eye while trying to help someone else get a speck out of thiers!

Here's the advice - take it for what its worth in any given situation you may have going on. I hope the Lord speaks to you in it.

When you get to the other side – whatever the outcome may be – you will certainly be able to see God's hand in everything and know that all along he was guiding you, controlling everything, protecting you, and doing what was best for His child. That doesn't help much now but just know that no matter the outcome you will have reassurance and comfort knowing its best and it is God's timing – because let me tell you, if we had control over timing of everything we would screw so much up! But I know you know that. :-)

Just make sure you are reaching out in the right place – because God and your faith are right where you left them… sometimes its doors that we choose to go through and close behind us that close us off to our faith and our connection to God. I've been there. Traps that we tend to fall into and have back track to get out of. My trap is commitment and time… I get so far away from Him before I even know it because I stay so busy. Before I know it He's 3 days away through several doors of frustration from work and hurt from other individuals. If I had stuck with Him I would have been able to get through those things the right way instead of taking the grim path… know what I mean? I'm not saying any of that applies to you – that is just my experience as an example. All I'm saying is God is in all this somewhere… but it's a daily thing to keep Him with you... you have to be purposeful about it because He can't go anywhere you won't take Him. He can't handle anything you won't hand over to Him.

Blessings,

Mrs JD