Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Confessions of a working mother

I'm a writer at heart. I only wish I had more time to devote to this passion of mine. But, as it is, most days my mind is so overgrown with the daily to-do's and just keeping the status-quo of life that I just can't find the energy to put pen to paper much less find a quiet spot in my head to even contemplate a topic of interest. Counting poops and pees, measuring ounces of breastmilk as if they were liquid gold, endless searches for engineers to fill an impossible job description, and listening to the repetitive clamor flowing from my 3 year olds mouth is what fills my days. With a tiny 975 square ft of living space and 3 kids, we struggle with keeping the house minimally filthy. It seems the laundry piles are never ending and the trash is constantly over-flowing. It's a wonder my husband and I even have our sanity. In the quiet moments when we've "hatched a plan" to have some husband-wife time and it actually works out we try to savor every moment. Meanwhile, I have delusions of grandeur rotting in my brain while my talent for words wastes away. Such is the life of the average working mom… to much to do to tend to personal quests of self-fulfillment. But, parenting does require a degree of selflessness and sacrifice. So, I've resigned to the fact that I will probably be in a nursing home suffering from dementia before I'll ever have the time to devote to this hobby of mine, and by then it will be a moot point because I won't have any recollection of all the cute things I've always wanted to put on paper.

This is the daily dialogue in my head. There isn't possibly enough time to do all the things one would want to accomplish. I spend more time doing things I don't want to do so I've have the money to do things I have to do and then have nothing left to do the things I enjoy doing. Is that any way to live life? But, this is the reality of most American families these days. Life in the fast lane… we live longer, work harder, make more money, and enjoy life less. Pity.

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