So here's the scoop

Some know and some don't so I'll just put everything here for you all to read if you so desire.
What most don't know:I've been struggling for a while now with various issues such as hair falling out, extremely dry skin, weight gain (despite a good diet and decent activity), fatigue, depression and anxiety (we had attributed this to PPD until now), difficulty concentrating and remembering things (I would forget names or words that I know, things I've done, or think I've done something I haven't), the list goes on and on.

What some know:I went to the doctor Monday and had all kinds of tests run. I got the results back yesterday and was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease. It's an autoimmune disorder that effects the thyroid. So, I am hypothyroid. This disorder causes all kinds of nasty effect which explains all of my issues.

Why I'm thankful: Frankly, it could be worse. Thankfully, this is something that is easily controlled with medication. Once we get the dosage right (which will probably take months of trial and error) I'll be set and re-test every year. It is something I will have to take for the rest of my life and the dosage may increase in later years. I'm quite relieved to know that there is a reason to all the madness. I've been going through some very difficult times lately because of it and I praise the Lord for the medical technology that helps so many people like me. I'm thankful that I will have a chance to minister to other people who are going through the same thing... to provide encouragement and advice. I'm thankful that I can share with people who may not understand... people who may judge others in my position. Believe me... I know the eye rolls you get when you are over-weight and claim that you are doing everything "right"... and the crazy looks when you can't come up with a word, a name, or recall something simple. Most of all, I'm thankful for all of my friends and family whom I know have and always will support me and love me no matter what. You all have made a difference in my life, whether you know it or not.

Mrs JD

I may be biased

I may be biased but I think my kids are just the cutest things I've ever seen. This little girl just LOVES the water - be it 2 feet deep or 10 feet deep. Definitely time to consider structured swim lessons, because the girl is fearless!!!

Check out this video: Kiddie Pool

The Mom Factor - she'll always be better than me

There is this thing I'm going to label the Mom factor. It's the pressure you feel to live up to the standards that you grew up with. Liekly standards that your Mom set up. This encompases things such as eating, grooming, and housekeeping habits, culture and time management habits, organization, discipline (of self and children). This factor is MUCH more discernable to female offspring than to males. This factor will drive you crazy, make you feel inadequate, cause you to become unreasonably defensive, and otherwise wreak havock on your self-esteem and cause you to question your abilities.

THIS FACTOR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR MOTHER!!!

My Mom is not to blame for me feeling this way. Not that there aren't times that she says or does things that do make me feel this way... but her intent is not to belittle me... in fact she goes out of her way to try not to offend me.

To my mom I say:
I'm sorry you feel like you have to walk on eggshells to keep from offending me. BUT, take it as a compliment because I think the reason I get so defensive is because I feel like I could never do things as good as you do - and I can't stand that fact. I feel all this pressure to live up to standards that just aren't do able for me.

It's wierd, to be such a smart cookie sometimes I feel so totally inadequate and hopeless. I wonder if I am really as smart, strong, hard working and good as I think I am.

My point is - I think a lot of women feel this way. With all the pressures of motherhood, being a full time employee, having a house and a husband to care for, and trying to at least get a shower every few days it's easy to get lost in all the things you can't get done instead of seeing all the things you did accomplish. So, I need to start patting myself on the back more for what I do. And I need to quit taking out my own self-doubt on my mother. Mom's of grown children get a bad wrap... some deserve it, but I'd say not most... I think it's our overachiever competitive natures that get the better of us... and our pride... and not our Mom's.

You are the best Mom... and no, I won't ever be as good as you (unless you are trying to do anything with something electronic).

Feel like sayin' sumthin

So I have no specific topic or intention in mind with this blog... I just felt like writing. Right now I'm sitting here with my beautiful 3 year old daughter... she is watching Dora and right now is sitting on the arm of the chair because she has to be this (-->x<--) close to me. Which is fine... Ry is sleeping so I've been able to get in some good one on one time with my KK.

Ya know, it's amazing having more than one kid... its like you think you could never love another child as much as you love your first, but then another comes along and it totally amazes you. There is no way I could ever choose between the two... I love them both the most. And although Mr. T isn't even blood I couldn't possibly love him any more. The human capacity to love goes far beyond what you can imagine... if you just open your heart to it.

So today we are going to Dad's... KK calls it "water day" because Papa D has a pool. I love going over there and getting in the pool with the kids. I can't wait to take KK to swim lessons... I haven't called about it yet though, and I really need to.

Well, I hear Ry so times up. Let me go get hubby and Ry and and then KK and I are going to play some games on the computer and then get ready to go to Dad's.

See ya'll later! Have a good holiday... back to work tomorrow. uuuggghhhh!