Friday, October 24, 2008

Am I that niave?

Is everyone out there really so mean and quick to judge and gossip? I can't stand the fact that people will not have a clue what it's like to be in someone's shoes and dare to pass judgement on them. Open your eyes people... there are people suffering and hurting in ways you refuse to understand because you would rather blindly judge them and feel superior to them than try to understand and lend a helping hand.

If they don't open thier eyes: People who have access to better healthcare and coverage will never understand the plight of those who don't. People who have money and/or a wide support system... or no need for a support system... will never understand how desperate the lives are of those who have to depend on others to help them out in daily living, or who can't make ends meet but don't have a choice in going elsewhere where they can find a better job/better pay/better situation because they need thier support system. People who don't suffer with a debilitating disease, illness, or condition will never come to see that those who do don't WANT to be the way they are... and can only be as good as the treatment they are provided and/or can afford.

There are so many other things to talk about... but the fact is that when you judge and gossip about them, you usually don't know the whole story. That person could be wrapped up in a world of hurt and circumstances working against them. Wouldn't you feel bad if you found out the person you laughed at daily at work and talked behind thier back had circumstances that would account for every thing you judge about them and attributed to some character flaw?There is so much wrong with the world and the way people behave towards one-another. Am I fighting a losing battle? Someone, please tell me that I'm not the only one thinking that we should be kind towards one-another and try to understand someone rather than judge them.

Come on people, give me some hope for humanity.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Bless those who speak against me, Lord.

I want to feel hurt and I want justice when someone says things against me. Human nature as it is (and women as they are) this is usually behind your back - and often hard to get to the root of. It's especially tough for someone who has keen perception - like me - or maybe the Lord has given me the ability to percieve certain things for my own protection. In any case, there is little you can do about it other than give it over to the Lord. I'm learning that lesson more and more as I live and breath (and work).

Have you ever almost just felt sorry for the people who act one way to your face and another behind your back? I **almost** feel that way... it's hard. I'm asking the Lord to change my heart and make it sympathetic rather than revengeful. The best way to accomplish that is by praying blessings upon them. Am I then being just as phony as the person who backstabs? I don't think so. The Bible clearly states that in our heart is foolishness (evil) and that our hearts will decieve us... we can't be lead by our hearts and how we **feel** about something... we have to lead our hearts. We can do that by praying and obeying.

Lord help me to continue this path - because right now I'd much rather give someone a piece of my mind than pray for them.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

So here's the scoop

Some know and some don't so I'll just put everything here for you all to read if you so desire.
What most don't know:I've been struggling for a while now with various issues such as hair falling out, extremely dry skin, weight gain (despite a good diet and decent activity), fatigue, depression and anxiety (we had attributed this to PPD until now), difficulty concentrating and remembering things (I would forget names or words that I know, things I've done, or think I've done something I haven't), the list goes on and on.

What some know:I went to the doctor Monday and had all kinds of tests run. I got the results back yesterday and was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease. It's an autoimmune disorder that effects the thyroid. So, I am hypothyroid. This disorder causes all kinds of nasty effect which explains all of my issues.

Why I'm thankful: Frankly, it could be worse. Thankfully, this is something that is easily controlled with medication. Once we get the dosage right (which will probably take months of trial and error) I'll be set and re-test every year. It is something I will have to take for the rest of my life and the dosage may increase in later years. I'm quite relieved to know that there is a reason to all the madness. I've been going through some very difficult times lately because of it and I praise the Lord for the medical technology that helps so many people like me. I'm thankful that I will have a chance to minister to other people who are going through the same thing... to provide encouragement and advice. I'm thankful that I can share with people who may not understand... people who may judge others in my position. Believe me... I know the eye rolls you get when you are over-weight and claim that you are doing everything "right"... and the crazy looks when you can't come up with a word, a name, or recall something simple. Most of all, I'm thankful for all of my friends and family whom I know have and always will support me and love me no matter what. You all have made a difference in my life, whether you know it or not.

Mrs JD

Monday, September 15, 2008

I may be biased

I may be biased but I think my kids are just the cutest things I've ever seen. This little girl just LOVES the water - be it 2 feet deep or 10 feet deep. Definitely time to consider structured swim lessons, because the girl is fearless!!!

Check out this video: Kiddie Pool

Monday, September 8, 2008

The Mom Factor - she'll always be better than me

There is this thing I'm going to label the Mom factor. It's the pressure you feel to live up to the standards that you grew up with. Liekly standards that your Mom set up. This encompases things such as eating, grooming, and housekeeping habits, culture and time management habits, organization, discipline (of self and children). This factor is MUCH more discernable to female offspring than to males. This factor will drive you crazy, make you feel inadequate, cause you to become unreasonably defensive, and otherwise wreak havock on your self-esteem and cause you to question your abilities.


My Mom is not to blame for me feeling this way. Not that there aren't times that she says or does things that do make me feel this way... but her intent is not to belittle me... in fact she goes out of her way to try not to offend me.

To my mom I say:
I'm sorry you feel like you have to walk on eggshells to keep from offending me. BUT, take it as a compliment because I think the reason I get so defensive is because I feel like I could never do things as good as you do - and I can't stand that fact. I feel all this pressure to live up to standards that just aren't do able for me.

It's wierd, to be such a smart cookie sometimes I feel so totally inadequate and hopeless. I wonder if I am really as smart, strong, hard working and good as I think I am.

My point is - I think a lot of women feel this way. With all the pressures of motherhood, being a full time employee, having a house and a husband to care for, and trying to at least get a shower every few days it's easy to get lost in all the things you can't get done instead of seeing all the things you did accomplish. So, I need to start patting myself on the back more for what I do. And I need to quit taking out my own self-doubt on my mother. Mom's of grown children get a bad wrap... some deserve it, but I'd say not most... I think it's our overachiever competitive natures that get the better of us... and our pride... and not our Mom's.

You are the best Mom... and no, I won't ever be as good as you (unless you are trying to do anything with something electronic).

Monday, September 1, 2008

Feel like sayin' sumthin

So I have no specific topic or intention in mind with this blog... I just felt like writing. Right now I'm sitting here with my beautiful 3 year old daughter... she is watching Dora and right now is sitting on the arm of the chair because she has to be this (-->x<--) close to me. Which is fine... Ry is sleeping so I've been able to get in some good one on one time with my KK.

Ya know, it's amazing having more than one kid... its like you think you could never love another child as much as you love your first, but then another comes along and it totally amazes you. There is no way I could ever choose between the two... I love them both the most. And although Mr. T isn't even blood I couldn't possibly love him any more. The human capacity to love goes far beyond what you can imagine... if you just open your heart to it.

So today we are going to Dad's... KK calls it "water day" because Papa D has a pool. I love going over there and getting in the pool with the kids. I can't wait to take KK to swim lessons... I haven't called about it yet though, and I really need to.

Well, I hear Ry so times up. Let me go get hubby and Ry and and then KK and I are going to play some games on the computer and then get ready to go to Dad's.

See ya'll later! Have a good holiday... back to work tomorrow. uuuggghhhh!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

A thank you long over due

To my love, my soulmate, my partner in life...

Thank you for all you do to make my life easier. You think you are the lucky one... well, I agree... but I think I am even more lucky to be the woman that you would do anything for just to see me smile.

I love you!

Mrs. JD

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Confessions of a working mother

I'm a writer at heart. I only wish I had more time to devote to this passion of mine. But, as it is, most days my mind is so overgrown with the daily to-do's and just keeping the status-quo of life that I just can't find the energy to put pen to paper much less find a quiet spot in my head to even contemplate a topic of interest. Counting poops and pees, measuring ounces of breastmilk as if they were liquid gold, endless searches for engineers to fill an impossible job description, and listening to the repetitive clamor flowing from my 3 year olds mouth is what fills my days. With a tiny 975 square ft of living space and 3 kids, we struggle with keeping the house minimally filthy. It seems the laundry piles are never ending and the trash is constantly over-flowing. It's a wonder my husband and I even have our sanity. In the quiet moments when we've "hatched a plan" to have some husband-wife time and it actually works out we try to savor every moment. Meanwhile, I have delusions of grandeur rotting in my brain while my talent for words wastes away. Such is the life of the average working mom… to much to do to tend to personal quests of self-fulfillment. But, parenting does require a degree of selflessness and sacrifice. So, I've resigned to the fact that I will probably be in a nursing home suffering from dementia before I'll ever have the time to devote to this hobby of mine, and by then it will be a moot point because I won't have any recollection of all the cute things I've always wanted to put on paper.

This is the daily dialogue in my head. There isn't possibly enough time to do all the things one would want to accomplish. I spend more time doing things I don't want to do so I've have the money to do things I have to do and then have nothing left to do the things I enjoy doing. Is that any way to live life? But, this is the reality of most American families these days. Life in the fast lane… we live longer, work harder, make more money, and enjoy life less. Pity.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Take your own advice

Have you ever given someone advice and as you are giving it you get smacked in the face with it? Sometime we need to take our own advice. Thank you Lord for helping me to see that beam in my eye while trying to help someone else get a speck out of thiers!

Here's the advice - take it for what its worth in any given situation you may have going on. I hope the Lord speaks to you in it.

When you get to the other side – whatever the outcome may be – you will certainly be able to see God's hand in everything and know that all along he was guiding you, controlling everything, protecting you, and doing what was best for His child. That doesn't help much now but just know that no matter the outcome you will have reassurance and comfort knowing its best and it is God's timing – because let me tell you, if we had control over timing of everything we would screw so much up! But I know you know that. :-)

Just make sure you are reaching out in the right place – because God and your faith are right where you left them… sometimes its doors that we choose to go through and close behind us that close us off to our faith and our connection to God. I've been there. Traps that we tend to fall into and have back track to get out of. My trap is commitment and time… I get so far away from Him before I even know it because I stay so busy. Before I know it He's 3 days away through several doors of frustration from work and hurt from other individuals. If I had stuck with Him I would have been able to get through those things the right way instead of taking the grim path… know what I mean? I'm not saying any of that applies to you – that is just my experience as an example. All I'm saying is God is in all this somewhere… but it's a daily thing to keep Him with you... you have to be purposeful about it because He can't go anywhere you won't take Him. He can't handle anything you won't hand over to Him.


Mrs JD

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


So I went into nesting over drive last night. I get home with KK after her doctors appoint and Cameron comes to pick her up... no 2 year old to wrangle and I'm thinking "Hmmm, what can I get into???" I COULD just sit down and relax... but OMG there are so many things to be done before this baby comes. And so it begins.

I started in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher, reloading, washing pots and pans, scrubbed the sink and a cast iron trivet that was rusted, etc etc. I ran some water to mop the floor but then decided I should do the bathroom first. I make my way in there and I'm just disgusted at the site of my dingy old tub. Out comes the Clorox Cleanup... and I begin the task of scrubbing the tub and the tile surround. I hear a quick horn beep like the alert sound when you lock your doors with the remote and I panick while thinking to myself... My husband is home and if he finds me like this he is going to kill me!!! I decide to hop out and let the Clorox clean up sit and do its job.... but I know that no amount of scrubbing or soaking is going to get it back completely white... let's face it, it's the original cast iron tub that was put in this house when it was built in the 40's. UGH! I'm resigned to it simply because I can't refinish the darn thing myself without a trip to Lowes and a couple of days without a shower. I move on to mopping the floor.

In the middle of all this somewhere I managed to wash a few loads of clothes. I then decided I wanted to put together a shelf I bought to go over the sink. I get out the power drill and peice it together while sitiing at my kitchen table... which no longer has clothes sitting all over it (between my fantabulous husband and I we have been tackling that this week!) I certainly don't feel like sweeoping... I HATE sweeping and lets face it, there is NO way I could get down there to sweep up the inevitable pile of dirt and trash once I'm finished - I decide to let my husband vaccum the kitchen when he gets home... yeah, vaccuming is his thing and I'm totally happy for it because I can't really stand that chore either. And we just got a new snazzy and super filtered Tri-Star vaccum... I say "Go for it hubby!"

KK gets home and I'm wiping down counters but I can tell I'm slowing down... my back begins to ache. My husband makes it home from school about 8:15 and I didn't get the scolding I expected... but he did insist on running me a hot bath to soak. So, he rinsed the tub and ran the water and while I was soaking away he finished up what I hadn't gotten to. The alst thing I did before crawling into bed last night was mop the kitchen floor.

Sadly, when I got up this morning I couldn't help myself and I had to put all the little bathtub shelving back up and put things back in thier place. I just couldn't leave it there sitting on the back of my toilet and scattered around the sink. BUT, the house looks great and I feel so much more prepared to bring a child into this world. Let's hope we can keep things straight for the next couple of weeks!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

"I big girl! I big sisser!"

The time is getting closer (just 5 more weeks) and there is more and more buzz in the house about Ry's impending entrance into the Dorough family. KK's latest announcement any chance she gets: "I big girl! I big sisser!" Everyone finds this extremely endearing. I wonder how endearing it will be when she starts announcing where Ry came from... thank heaven I'm having a C-Section! The maternity coordinator at the hospital yesterday told me how her child announces all the time that her mommy pushed her baby sister out of her hiney. Out of the mouths of babes!!!

Over the weekend John put together the bassinet and we now have it settled in our room. KK was quite excited by the site of all the little parts and peices on the floor as Daddy put it together. She looks, examining each part carefully and then comes to me and says "Dat mine? Dat all mine?!" While waving her hand over the pile of parts in the floor. I giggled and said "No, honey, that's Ry's bed. Daddy is putting it together so she will have a place to sleep when she is born." Her eyes light up (apparently the thought of a new sister is even better than the thought of a new toy) and she says "Oh, dats Ryyeee's bed?". "Yes, honey, that's Ry's bed."
Thing go back to business as usual and she did get to see the final product before going to bed. She pops up the next morning and her first question is "Where Ryyeee's bed?" I explained that it was in our room where she would sleep until she is ready for a crib. I reminded her of when she was in a crib and she went on to have some extended conversation about that that I didn't particularly understand. :-)

The day goes on, she goes to school and I to work. When I pick her up and get home she tells me she is going to go play while I'm in the kitchen making dinner. I hear her holler "Turn on yites" (lights for those who don't speak KKese). I tell her she's a big girl she can turn on the lights. A minute later I hear "Mommy! I see Ryyeee?" I walk back there and see her standing in front of Ry's bassinet in my room (she was asking if she could turn on my light in my room, not hers, lol). She has this excited grin and she says again "I see Ryyeee?!"

Needless to say, it made me laugh, but I managed to explain that Ry is still growing in mommy's belly and it will still be a little while before she is born and will sleep in her bed. She is terribly excited about seeing her baby sister.

KK still insisted on checking Ry's bed out again last night... I guess she just wants to make sure everything is still in place for the arrrival of her sister. Afterall, she is "big sisser" and has to look out for the little one. Sheesh I love that little girl!

Thursday, January 31, 2008

I'm not sure why I bother...

... trying to be friendly with people who are known gossips and backbiters. I keep telling myself to just keep my mouth shut and don't engage in personal conversations with these people... but I can't help myself! I'm just the kind of person that is friendly and wants to converse. I could slap myself for constantly walking right into this void because I know how much it confuses and hurts me to find out people are taking a conversation among "friends" and using it to demonstrate thier own insecurity by blabbing (and often misrepresenting fact) to people who were NOT involved in the conversation.

From now on when someone that is not family or a close personal friend asks me about my personal life, my pregnancy, my family, or anything unrelated to the business at hand I'm determined to politely change the subject...