Monday, September 8, 2008

The Mom Factor - she'll always be better than me

There is this thing I'm going to label the Mom factor. It's the pressure you feel to live up to the standards that you grew up with. Liekly standards that your Mom set up. This encompases things such as eating, grooming, and housekeeping habits, culture and time management habits, organization, discipline (of self and children). This factor is MUCH more discernable to female offspring than to males. This factor will drive you crazy, make you feel inadequate, cause you to become unreasonably defensive, and otherwise wreak havock on your self-esteem and cause you to question your abilities.


My Mom is not to blame for me feeling this way. Not that there aren't times that she says or does things that do make me feel this way... but her intent is not to belittle me... in fact she goes out of her way to try not to offend me.

To my mom I say:
I'm sorry you feel like you have to walk on eggshells to keep from offending me. BUT, take it as a compliment because I think the reason I get so defensive is because I feel like I could never do things as good as you do - and I can't stand that fact. I feel all this pressure to live up to standards that just aren't do able for me.

It's wierd, to be such a smart cookie sometimes I feel so totally inadequate and hopeless. I wonder if I am really as smart, strong, hard working and good as I think I am.

My point is - I think a lot of women feel this way. With all the pressures of motherhood, being a full time employee, having a house and a husband to care for, and trying to at least get a shower every few days it's easy to get lost in all the things you can't get done instead of seeing all the things you did accomplish. So, I need to start patting myself on the back more for what I do. And I need to quit taking out my own self-doubt on my mother. Mom's of grown children get a bad wrap... some deserve it, but I'd say not most... I think it's our overachiever competitive natures that get the better of us... and our pride... and not our Mom's.

You are the best Mom... and no, I won't ever be as good as you (unless you are trying to do anything with something electronic).

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