Sunday, January 18, 2009

The person I aspire to be

Somewhere between home life and work life exists this vague concept of my individual self. I like to picture this gal as a social butterfly; a well-spoken, strong, independent woman; a kind hearted caregiver to those in need; an organized and crafty scrapbooker; and a talented potter and painter of pottery. Granted, I fail to live up to these lofty visions, but they are things I continue to aspire to. Unfortunately, home life often gets in the way of actualization of this individual self I speak of. But, who am I kidding anyway? What would my life be without my loving husband and children? What would I have to scrapbook about? What experience and knowledge would I offer to those in need? What would I offer in conversation with those I would socialize with? It’s funny how the very things that make your life richer and allow you to offer more to the world can sometimes be the very things that hold you back from doing so.

As with all things, I am learning that life is cyclic. There are times when you will contribute heavily to the world around you and to the support of your social network. At other times you will need to lean hard on the support system that has been so delicately placed beneath you over time. Right now I’m in a phase between the two. I’ve felt selfish and self-absorbed for a while… feeling like I’ve folded up within my own little world and worried about no one but me and my little family. I’ve had so much to focus on in my own life that I’ve been unable to help those around me. I’ve wanted to help people around me… but it seemed I just never could manage it. Slowly, I’m trying to pull out of that. I’m hoping that somewhere along the way not only will I find the time to care for others but also to do all the other things I aspire to do.

No comments:

Post a Comment